Drunk Hummingbirds


Low expectations Thursday. I set out to do two things today, besides the obvious goal of keeping my kids alive. Just two things.

1. Change the hummingbird juice
2. Put the clean sheets from the dryer on my bed

That’s it. That’s all. I could have thrown ‘take a shower” onto the list, but really, I don’t want to get cocky or be overly successful. We will just deem that an extraordinary bonus, if it happens. A gigantic pat on the back. Sometimes, towards the end of the week, when I’m getting a little disappointed in my lack of accomplishments, I do this: I set two small easily and totally doable goals. I can’t let the hummingbirds down again today. I know I may be hypersensitive but it seems like they’re giving me a crazy intoxicated look when they buzz by. We have two specific birds the boys have named “Green Lantern” and “Batman.” They are our “regulars.”

“Change the juice, big lady, ” Green Lantern says, in a high-pitched fast-paced tone of hummingbird voice.

Acckkk. I don’t want drunk hummingbirds. And I really don’t want to sleep on a naked bed again tonight. It’s too hot. And not in the sexy way. Though the three boys that invaded at some point in the night didn’t seem to mind. So many unexpected things happen in a day. It’s usually okay for a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sort of self. Like when the dog decides to totally delve into the trash that only made it to the laundry room. Oh, commence swearing at the dog. Ughhh. Maybe I should feed him some dog food. He’s so needy sometimes. He probably wants me to pet him too. Then, there’s the totally unplanned for calls like you know, the one from a detective in Wichita. Another detective to talk to. “Quiet down, kids. Really. IT’S A POLICE OFFICER ON THE PHONE.” He told me they arrested a woman who fancied stealing people’s identities. She was driving around, stealing mail and had MY license and credit card. My costco card. She wouldn’t dare! I’ve never even been to Wichita. The kind detective let me unload a little on the situation. I told him that the worst part is how much time these crooks have stolen. You know, time that I could have been changing the hummingbird juice. Or putting some stinking sheets on the bed. Visiting my grandma. Or taking a shower.

For now,  I would rather just write about it. Because sometimes that’s the most helpful thing. Releasing it. Sometimes time just flies by. Other times, it quickly slips through the cracks in our cupped hands as we attempt to hold it still. No matter how hard we try to hold onto it, it’s fluid. Moving. On the quarrelsome evenings, time stands completely s….t….i….l….l. It really never seems to do what we would like it to do. Slow down. Speed up. JUST STOP already. Can’t we ever make up our minds.  I’m trying to be more aware of the time and place I am presently. Today. This moment. What I am capable of. As a human being. It seems like a sneaky way of forgetting about time altogether.

It’s not such a bad thing to lower expectations in certain areas of life. It feels good sometimes to feed the hummingbirds. And finish putting sheets on the bed. And quite honestly, when the hot water from the shower you didn’t expect to take hits your face, you feel like you must be dreaming. Low expectations Thursday….I think I love you.

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